I’ve sewed since I was maybe 8 years old. But it’s been years and the new fangled machines are surely more complicated than my old back and forth sewing machine which has died. I used to crochet, work needlepoint, design needlepoint for a shop in Florida, embroider anything I could get my hands on, and suddenly I was afraid of all of it because it all felt new and not old and comfortable. Not to give in to fear, I started out easy with handwork, upcycling a jean jacket for granddaughter. I did have to use a machine for the ruffles – and will soon have to figure out how to rethread the bobbin. But I got the result I was aiming for so maybe old dogs/new tricks/remembering how to ride a bicycle all works out in the long run.
Meanwhile, while I was rummaging in my old sewing area of my closet, and discovering all kinds of treasures that will keep me home and not back out at JoAnn’s Fabric Store, I discovered an old notebook with jottings on fear. It posed the question that is the title of this post. I’m going to share it because interestingly enough it pretty much still holds (this is from 6 years ago).
I often mistake the voice of fear for rationality. What really scares me is that what I want to believe – about following your heart and things working out – is a pipedream or a feel-good dream. I’m afraid that all the stuff about attracting energy is crap and that some people get touched with the golden wand and others don’t. I’m afraid I’m one of the ones who doesn’t get touched, that I am humoring a wish, a dream, a fantasy and that by honoring that over the last 3 years I’ve put myself in a position of financial insecurity. I don’t even want to put this out there because I’m afraid all the little negative energies will sniff it out, howl down the trail and eat every last bit of positive affirmation I’ve managed to give myself to keep going. I’m afraid that I’ll sabotage myself by giving up too soon or get distracted by something more practical when right now, right now, I know I’m onto something, into some kind of new flow.
Then, I wrote myself a letter of encouragement. (It makes me twitchy to share this because it is so personal, but I know there are others out there who need to hear this stuff – I’m not all that different from every other person trying to follow their heart – so this is for you, too).
You are the most amazing person and you simply refuse to see it. All around you things change and move toward more positive ways of being because of you and you simply refuse to see it. Open your eyes. All the way. Clear out the fog and mist, claim that which you know is your power – your sense of possibility, your caringness and loyalty, your passion for what and who you love. Accept that you do know what you want. You are on the path to it and if anything needs to happen it is just to trust what you know. The Universe is responsive, you are loved and deserving. It is the intention to be true to yourself and your love that is the magic wand with which you yourself anoint yourself. It comes from within, not from without and you already have it – you are the one who is holding it at bay – not fate, not the Universe, rather your closed hand, your filled bowl that must be emptied of old ideas and old ways to make room for the new.
“Greatness is born of our own inelegance befriended and assisted.” Tama Kieves
Every decision you make – every decision – is not a decision about what to do. It’s a decision about who your are. Neale Donald Walsh
Have I stopped having fears since I wrote this 6 years ago? No. Have the fears changed much? No – but the longer I hang in here the more I know that somehow things always work out, often at the 11:59th hour. I’ve focused on learning easier ways but realize that perhaps the persistence in the face of the unknown and the fear of failure and being a bag lady brings its own kind of energy and knowledge. So I’ve learned to relax more. But my next sewing project IS a bag!
24 Comments
Hm I think politics attracts sexual perverts because access to power increases their chance to sate their aptetipes.At least thats why it seemed to me that Bill Clinton wanted to be President.
Alison – you’re right, it does put a different spin on things!
Wow. This is a wonderful find for me. I connect, and this quote you shared blew my socks off – “Every decision you make – every decision – is not a decision about what to do. It’s a decision about who your are.” That changes everything 🙂 Imagine asking when having to make a decision, not what to do but who am I? That’s powerful.
Thanks, Tammy 🙂
Alison
Sandy – you go woman! Because you can do it!
Kerry – Awesome story! Congratulations on facing your fear and moving through it!
Totally inspirational!
This is great!
Years ago, I “decided” that I could not paint…it was hard and I was terrible at it. I finally just did it and found the fun in it and I have a show coming up in Charlottesville next week!
Great article about fear…Love your idea of a letter of encouragement to ones self. I just lost my day job so fear is right at my door step, but I have my own business…I am working on upping my game. Thanks!
we all need to hear it at least every now and then – glad you found it when you needed it…that was my intent!
“…claim that which you know is your power – your sense of possibility, your caringness and loyalty, your passion for what and who you love. Accept that you do know what you want. You are on the path to it and if anything needs to happen it is just to trust what you know.”
I needed to hear this today, to keep me going toward what I want.
Yes – when we decide to go ahead and push through it, or to stop and look at the why of it, it can indeed encourage us to our best! Thanks for stopping by!
Fear can aslo bring out the best in us it seems- what a wonderul post and I love the letter to self. Thanks for sharing so honestly!
Jacqualine-Marie and Patty – thank you so much for your kind words. I know when things make me twitchy, it’s probably good. The more we tell each other the truth of our feelings, the stronger we become and the better able we are to weave our own part of the web!
Reminds me of Kathe Kollowitz who said something like: what if one woman were to tell her truth? the world would break open.
WOW
thank you SO much for sharing this Tammy…
your words go deep…
I will need to read them over and over…sniff sniff
Brightest of Blessings All Ways!
oxo
Amazing post. One of the reasons I follow you here and on Facebook is because I sense you are honest, creative, and a real teacher. Thank you. I believe being vulnerable is the only true way to inspire people, and you inspire so much more than you think just by being you, and by delivering your art. Fear isn’t the real problem for us. The real problem is refusing to see it for what it is, an opportunity for growth. I’m always terribly afraid just before the real understanding comes. By the way, the jacket is wonderful! Not at all surprised.
[…] I was really touched to read a post from Tammy Vitale, an artist and woman who rocks, asking “What Is The Fear That Will Stop You?” […]
Michele – thanks so much for stopping by!
Rita: yes – I was really happy when I came across that letter to myself. I need to write more. In fact I did just write another and I put it aside to mail to myself later this year. =] Really mail. You’re supposed to give it to someone else but I haven’t gotten around to it – that way you don’t know when you’re going to get it.
Tracy – thank you for your words of encouragement! Yes – I think we can learn to use that doubt positively instead of for beating ourselves up. Of course how well I do at it at any moment is based on the moon and the tides and the side of the bed I got up on! Mostly I don’t think of myself as an optimist, but I must have something going there for me ’cause I’m still here plugging along!
thanks all! such kind responses to a scary post make it worth the trepidation!
Tammy, reading this was like looking in my own head! I have felt very similar many more times than I care to count. I think the challenge for me is how much quicker I bounce back and recognize where those thoughts are coming from, The big giant Fear monster who is really this itty bitty squeaky mouse.
I was just telling the Hubs this morning about you and how much I admire you. You inspire me to keep going. 🙂
I think negative thoughts can be looked at two ways…
You can use them to beat yourself up more OR use them as a guide.
There are times when I am in tune and in touch with my inner crab. Sometimes the shell of life gets a little tight and uncomfortable before we can move into the new one. As long as I don’t constantly stay there and keep reaching then everything works out okay.
I am one of those eternal optimists. I’ve always been that way but I do have my moments and it ain’t pretty to see! *LOL*
Appreciating YOU!
Keep reading that second part, amazing woman!!
The jacket looks really cute!
Great article. Fear is so powerful and never really goes away although things get easier as we continue to take risks. Love the jacket you made! It’s so cute.
powerful stuff. And I think it can lead to feeling guilty about having unoptimistic thoughts. and that bothers me. I wish there were a better way of stating it because I am so NOT the eternal optimist!
I was listening to Louise Hay yesterday and something she said really made the lightbulb go off in my head. I don’t remember the exact wording but her message was EVERY thought you have, good or bad, is an affirmation.
For good. Or bad.
One more reason to be an optimist!
Oh – what a sweet thing to say! I so appreciate hearing it from you! That black cloud thing: wonder what’s up. I’m taking my in pretty good stride at the moment but it can stop any time now. =] Hope you get out from under your soon too (love that Seth Godin thing you’ve got going on ;])
Thank you. I really, really needed this today. I had a black cloud day. I went under my duvet with Seth Godin (in book form) instead.
The other day I was doing some journalling around who are the people who inspire me, and you are on my list. Maybe you need to hear that today 😉
ps I teach my old dog new tricks often, keeps him cheeky 😀
yes!
Fear is always there but there are antidotes. Your letter of encouragement is one of them!
My most recent post caused me the same kind of fear you wrote about here. Feeling it and posting it anyway is another antidote.