I am the Goddess Rising. I work outside of given boundaries.
On the edges things flex and hold.
I have returned from a 5-day retreat, the last 2 days of which were spent at Heather and Deborah Mizeur’s Apotheosis Farm participating in the inaugural retreat of Soul Force Politics.
The first 3 days were spent alone at the Great Oak B&B in Chestertown, actually located about 20 minutes out of town, on the Chester River with a nice suite – unfortunately, I wanted a tub and paid no attention to the fact the suite had a shower. I will learn to ask and pay attention! Other than that it was a lovely respite from everything, a time to be quiet and inward, to explore Chestertown and to go to the outlets (and Chico’s) in Queenstown since I was on the east side of the Bay Bridge, whose crossing has struck terror into my heart since the mid 90s for no reason that I can ascertain. Mid-2000s I decided not being able to drive across it was stupid and put into play strategies that could get me back and forth. It’s a tiny bit better but I still feel the panic rise up. I wish I understood more how that happens, and I won’t let it stop my doing what I wanted to do. I chose the B&B because it is 20 minutes from Apotheosis Farm.
I decided to go on this Soul Force Political retreat because the original plan the weekend, a several day craft retreat in Asheville, NC, canceled. I was disappointed but my immediate thought was everything happens for a reason and the reason presented itself in my inbox as an invitation to join the Soul Force retreat. I went with no expectations and in the question of what I was supposed to learn. Always a good beginning!
What I learned was a lot of what I already know, and have managed to forget in the day-to-day dealing with “stuff.” Recently, two trips to D.C. to stand in witness for Dr. Christine Blasey Ford and against the appointment of Brett Kavanaugh taught me that it is *still* not time to hand over all the work to the younger folks (and it IS time for their leadership) and I needed a way to think about how I wanted to integrate that into my life.
The center of this retreat was to hear the question of how life might look if led through radical love. I, of course, ever the warrior, was not ready to put down my nature in the name of oh just love everyone and things will change. I know that I cannot do that without a different understanding of love than that which I’ve been taught/have internalized from the larger herd (and being raised Catholic which equater love, for women, as sacrifice – everyone else before you). What I was reminded is that love is first of self, compassionate caring for the self, which allows one to move from love….which I define as radically different from “oh just love everyone.” It is different in that it allows moving from *whatever* it means to be true to yourself and the changes that only you, as a unique individual, can bring to the world. It reminds me that there is a piece of the web that only I can weave, and that by going inward, finding the me who is loveable, holding her compassionately, then and only then can I stand in my power and know how to weave the strands I have been given to caretake during my lifetime. I am writing this here so I won’t forget that ever again.
Our theme was to be Water Protectors and the prompt was an amazing film by Paulette Moore on the Standing Rock Celebrations, labeled “protests” by the media, the corporation taking private land and the government entities working for the private corporation instead of the citizens. Here is a trailer for the film: The Eagle and the Condor, about the Standing Rock Water Protectors . Not shown in the trailer is Grandmother Theresa Black Owl’s statement along the lines of “they thought they won. But we did, because they helped us find each other.” I am reminded of looking at issues and events in the context of 7 generations forward (and back). If we are alive, and if we refuse to forget, if we persist, we cannot lose.
Paulette has a go-fund-me-page to help pay for the making of this film. I believe this is a worthy cause and ask you to join me in sending her gratitude for the making of this film.
We were led Sunday morning in the creation of Soul Collage, something I call Spirit Cards (see several here from 2006), to mark the weekend for ourselves in whatever way we chose. I’ve made Spirit Cards before but this one ran far out over the edges of the card, the pictures and the name/words to go with it coming to me completely in a flash, which I followed. This was the creating I had planned on for the weekend elsewhere, and found here. Along with the naming of making art as “ceremony.”
I was reminded that when I start pulling in, being smaller, I am moving in the wrong direction. That’s a big one. And I had completely forgotten it.
I was reminded that when I attended the Awesome Women gathering (5 or so years ago), I took upon myself to “live in the question.” Be careful what you agree to take on.
Finally, we were all urged to live in gratitude along with radical love and I left believing in my heart, not just my head, that I will be able to do just that, even though I do not yet know how that will look in my life. I am sure I will be given many opportunities to practice and learn.
I do know this much: I cannot do it all. What I have to give are time (self) and money. I am paying attention to the money side right now. Putting my money where my mouth is when my mouth and body cannot be there. 🙂 I am grateful to be able to do that.
Wylde Women’s Wisdom
sometimes at night, when the dogs are doing their snuffle-in-the-leaves thing and the oldest one isn’t looking inclined to pretend that movement is a squirrel which she must chase into the neighboring yard (an acre away), I remember to pause, look up, and see the stars. Tammy Vitale
2 Comments
Love this post. (Rita’s comments are interesting also!)
The trailer was interesting on several levels. That their actions were considered protesting when it was clearly prayer and respect for the land. We easily forget what we know and can all use a reminder of how indigenous people view what is happening – we are continually raping the land.
This: “I was reminded that when I start pulling in, being smaller, I am moving in the wrong direction. That’s a big one. And I had completely forgotten it.” Reminds me of two people I know who confuse this with taking private time to heal which is much different than becoming smaller. Once we become small enough, we disappear and have no impact. That is not the same as healing.
I know you had an amazing retreat and that makes me happy!
The pipeline is a horrible thing happening up here. Rather than work on sustainable energy the people in charge are willing to spend a fortune to strip the earth of every last drop of oil…which was lubricating underground shelves of land and cannot be replaced. They are also fracking in western ND like crazy. This is polluting ground surface water and destroying habitats. But they do not give the future a thought…the seven generations for and aft are meaningless. All they can see is money. Such foolish creatures we can be.
One of the ladies in the video, Winona LaDuke, came to speak at Concordia College when I was up here still able to make it to classes–so very early 2000’s. She was promoting a new book and read a short piece from it, as I recall. The thing I remember most was she was very late but didn’t care at all because she said she was “on Lakota time”. She didn’t seem to want to be there at all and was borderline rude. Probably reluctantly came because it was part of the deal for one of the English classes to have her book be required reading. I don’t remember anything at all about what she read or what I read in her book–but I remember that–LOL!