Discovery List – what would formerlly have been called a todo list…very linear and neatly printed in black ink on white paper.  But 2009 is different.  I now make discovery lists and let my child use crayons (and playfully as suggested by Leah at Creative Every Day's word for the month)…let's see if we can't balance that old left/right brain thing.

I have been rethinking blogging.  I know I started as a journal.  Then I thought:  everyone is using them for business.  Make it business.  And for a while I kept a journal over at Myspace.  But two blogs a day is a lot, even for a work at homer and that was 3 years ago.  Lately trying to do all the "right" things for my art work including getting out there and reading and visiting and commenting has become overwhelming.  This year I want to discover (my word, don't forget) what simplicity looks like with reference to my art.  And to disconnect my art from earning income (and boy, given my financial situation, is that an adventure waiting to be discovered!).  And to throw away the "should's" I find everywhere on getting your art out there.  I wish to only do new things and/or to repeat only things which are bringing positive energy into my life.

I realize I spent way too much time last year pouting over what wasn't working:  the economy; my art career.   And to continue that into this year would be such a waste of time.  I also discovered that I really haven't been doing the work I need to do to break out of the box.  I have been repeating things that should work (and aren't or not well enough) and being depressed about the not working part.  And you know what?  Life's just too short.

So I'm journaling again and I hope that sharing some of that here, which will be a rereading of handwritten free thought, will help implant all of it into my subconscious and move me right on down the line.  Because I'm ready to discover what's next.  Enthusiastic, scared, still a bit cynical.  And then synchronicity drops in and I can't ignore the message anymore:

I was over at Heron's Way Gallery today switching new work in and talking with owners Mary Ida and Rose about some of the insights I'm gaining through journaling and focusing on the work of discovering something new and outside the box.  Then I came home to a blog subsciption in my inbox, Ancient Artist: Creating an Art Career After 50.  And darn if she wasn't talking about the same thing.  Putting on my organizer hat I can say with a great deal of confidence that when the same topic starts cropping up in independent spaces, it's a sign that a certain wind is blowing and beginning to gather like minded folks (and isn't it great to know that change is indeed coming and that yes, indeed, we all can take part in it in so many ways right now). Sue Smith, the blogger says:  "Am I leaving an empty year, filled with closing galleries, slowing sales, enthusiasm for work but with few sales? Am I staring into an empty year, filled with real economic sacrifice and uncertainty?  Or do I see the empty room as one that is open to a wealth of possiblilty?  Filled with new choices, new work, and new opportunity?….what I know is that I do have control over how I experience the future….We have a choice.  Live on Purpose."  Which adage, "Live on Purpose" my son then called to tell me he had just had an insight about the true meaning (which had escaped him before a conversation he had this a.m.).  I don't need to be hit over a head with rocks.

From yesterday's journal, a short excerpt:  Articulate 60 day goal and include feeling state:

Making a personal financial plan tells me concretely where I am – how much I actually need to earn for the next 18 months (til, hopefully SS kicks in).  It makes me feel in control of my choices over the next 18 months and I am empowered with the knowledge of what I must do to take care of myself.  I gain security, self confidance, self-reliance, personal power and let go of cynicism and jealousy which disempower me.  In the process I research and learn persistance on my own behalf (self-reliance – I am worth it).  I learn how to create time and space to take care of my need to be financially secure.  I drop the undercurrant of stressing over taking care of myself forever to just the next 18 months when SS kicks in.  I learn to trust, really trust, my ability to do whatever is necessary, discover new resources and think outside th box to fulfill my need for security and independence.  i learn I can do ti for myself, not just for others (and get rid of the belief I must care for othres first in order to be worthy of love.  I am already worthy firest and formost of self love).  Others benefit because I am no longer negative, cynical or jealous.  This imporves my energy contribution to the all.  I also serve as a role model of how to be a successful person as well as an artist.

(that's 1 of 5 top feeling states I wish to create for myself this year).  And I worked on the financial plan already.  It is a bit scarey.  But there is a ton of room for magic to happen here…discovering magic is definitely high on my light of priorities this year.

And into my inbox today Molly Gordon's newsletter:  "Now, finances.  Start with the pemise that there is plenty."  she also encourages play…actually my favorite game (make your own rules):  "Remember when you were small and you would make up the rules to a game as it went along?…It just didn't make sense to let the rules determine the game…Knowing that the game can change at any moment, define it now in the best, most joyous, most creative terms you can imagine."  Yes!

thought for the day:  Either we are in the universe to inhabit the lovely eternity of our souls and grow real, or else we might as well dedicate our days to shopping and kill time watching talk shows.  John O'Donohue, Eternal Echoes:  Celtic Reflections on Our Yearning to Belong