In meditation group this morning one of the participants talked about wondering where the line is between being positive and being a Pollyanna. Boy did that strike a cord.
I had to really think about it because it’s hard for me to determine the line here – and perhaps there isn’t any. After thinking about it, it seems more a frame of mind than a line.
Because when I’m in the deep darks all of the positive just think happy thoughts stuff sounds really “chirpy” to me. And my inner lizard brain dismisses it as so much hooey, afraid to believe and be wrong.
See that? “Afraid.”
If you’re afraid that you won’t get what you want or seem a failure if you try and miss, then anyone who is out there trying despite circumstances is going to be seen as a Pollyanna – someone who refuses to look at “reality” and instead puts a happy spin on anything that occurs.
What is actually occurring in both instances, positive and Pollyanna, is that the person is seeing what she believes to be “real.” Real is so subjective. Real is actually only the story we have immersed ourselves in – our subconscious then sorts through the thousands of incoming impressions to find those that closely match what we believe – our story – so that it’s all in sync.
This can be stated pretty simply: you cannot choose what happens to you, but you can choose what you do with it.
Listen to your interior language. Does bad stuff always happen to you? Do you never get a break? Absolutes are pretty good indicators you are in the midst of some story based in beliefs that are no longer serving you. Another indicative phrase is “if only” – an indication that you are in fantasy land.
Next time you catch yourself speaking in absolutes, stop and check your experience and see if ever there was an instance when that absolute wasn’t true. As a mentor of mine use to always say to me, “Tammy, the world is not black and white. It is shades of gray.” Look for the gray. And that “if only” – whenever you hear yourself think that, change it to “what if” and see what happens.
Afraid/fear/closing down is always the wrong direction. If you find yourself in the middle of those feelings stop and take a breath. Think: What if I didn’t believe that – what would happen?
Sometimes all it takes when things don’t go exactly as planned, instead of thinking, “Oh, you never do stuff like this well!”, think: “Wow, look at you, trying new things and getting
better and better.”
Life will break you. Nobody can protect you from that, and living alone won’t either, for solitude will also break you with its yearning. You have to love. You have to feel. It is the reason you are on earth. You are here to risk your heart. You are here to be swallowed up. And when it happens that you are broken or betrayed, or left, or hurt, or death brushes near, let yourself sit by an apple tree and listen to the apples falling all around you in heaps, wasting their sweetness. Tell yourself that you tasted as many as you could. Louise Erdrich
If you knew your potential, you would laugh at your efforts to fit into smaller molds. Tama Kieves
15 Comments
Pam – it’s always good to find a kindred spirit – especially if we’re feeling a bit under attack by the outside world. I reposted because I’m taking it for basically believing in rainbows and teddy bears – which I embraced whole heartedly, btw. (Why, you
say that as if believing in rainbows and teddy bear is somehow wrong! Blink Blink) I’m always delighted to find the rest of the Pollyanna tribe – we’re growing and we are the future!
Thank you so much for writing this, Tammy! I’ve had a number of people accuse me of being a ‘Pollyanna’ and I’m happy to say most of them are no longer in my life. Thank Heavens! Most people’s ‘reality’ is simply their inner critic/lizard presenting itself as the truth. For the brave, courageous and joyful people, that lizard is not gone, but simply recognized as left-over from our ancient cave-dwelling days. Thank you, Thank you for your beautiful post! It’s a gift and a blessing!
Tracy – thanks so much for stopping by and taking the time to comment! Yes, I know that snarky grin, and yes, I know about getting back up and having at it all again – it does make for learning a lot, and certainly and adventurous life! But I’m thinking you don’t have any problem with that either!
I agree with you that it’s a story or label we use. I know for myself that I would be labeled a PolyAnna and can be a darn snarky one too. You know, the happy person who smiles that devilish grin because she just proved you wrong and probably won’t let you live it down. *lol* Something I’m working on. Your spot on with it’s your choice when your handed a nasty batch of rotten lemons what you do with it from that point on. The batch I was handed late last year was just the kick in the pants I needed. It gave me clarity and direction and propelled me in a way that coasting merrily along wouldn’t have. I had a choice, stay down or get up re-evaluate and kick some ass. I chose to kick some ass. In a pleasant ass kicking sort of way. Great post Tammy!!
Christine – Hi – I mean, “Hi! Pollyanna!”
Lisa – thank you!
I love what you did with this Tammy. 🙂
[…] lovely response to Positive or Pollyanna comes from good blogger friend Rita McGregor. I’m sharing it because I think Rita really […]
Please call me Pollyanna so I can thank you!!
Dear all – thank you so much for stopping by! I have answered each of you by email to be sure you know I am grateful for your visit, AND I am waaaay behind getting responses here because I’ve been away from the house and have several projects that are taking my time: my retreat, creating a new Master Mind membership program for folks who can’t make it to a retreat, family and time with hubby! AND I love that you have stopped by! so big hugs to you all for taking the time! xoxoxoxoxo
I really like what you wrote about stopping when in a fearful moment… the What If, for me. Thinking about what would I be or choose w/out that fear… good thinking!
Love the photos of your art combined with the Louise Erdich quote. I agree with your mentor about shades of gray. When I can find my way there is when I can be in acceptance of what is. Not that it’s easy, though. Btw, nice site!
I think of myself as a realistic optimist. 😉 Happiness is a choice. To make a true choice you have to see all sides. Blinders are not a virtue–LOL! 🙂
And yet people have called me a pollyanna. Silly people. 😉
“If you knew your potential, you would laugh at your efforts to fit into smaller molds”…so I’m thinking this is much larger than ‘Reasonable’….and often I, in particular, don’t shoot high enough. Yes, as always, nice post.
Some great food for thought here. I have been called a Pollyanna more than a few times. It has been quite a journey for me…learning to look at life honestly and face the hard stuff while still moving forward with hope and joy. I think I’ve made a little progress, at least!
I have no problems with Pollyannas aand kind of think sometimes we need that, but I like to ask myself if what I am thinking is Reasonable… is it reasonable to think I want or need something, that I deserve something, that an outcome will be as I want it… as long as I check whether something is reasonable I am ok… it will all stay in perspective…
nice post Tammy and love that quote…xx