You are incomparable.
So why do you insist on comparing who you are and what you have to others?
It will make you sad, or angry (which may manifest as depression because we all know it is “not nice” to be angry).
Why do we do this to ourselves?
Because in school, at very tender ages, before we learned how to protect ourselves we learned that everyone is ranked. We are ranked by our teachers for how we behave and how well we parrot information back to them. Your teacher says there are 5 oceans and you know better? Better have another adult (like Mom or Dad) come in and back you up (that’s a true story from my son’s school years). We are ranked by our parents who are ranked in their parenting by other parents based on your achievements or lack thereof.
From our peers, we learned that clothes and shoes and cars and houses and money make a difference and being popular was the prize. How did we know if we fit? Everyone in school knows the most popular girl/guy gets the most popular guy/girl. It doesn’t even have to be said out loud. Everyone knows who’s on top and everyone knows who’s on the bottom.
No wonder we live our lives comparing where/who/what we are with whatever and whomever is around us.
Let me repeat my opening statement: You are incomparable. There is no one else like you in the whole of the universe: before now, now or ever to be in the future. You are incarnate to bring gifts and understandings that no one else ever can bring to this earth.
If you’re spending time worrying about what everyone else has and you don’t have, you are wasting those magnificent gifts that only you can give.
Here are some thoughts for you:
1. Everything is connected. Each of us (and that counts the animals, insects and plants that are going extinct as I write) has a part of life’s tapestry to weave. We can weave it tight and whole so that when the whole starts shifting and straining our part keeps its integrity. Or we can weave loosely so that the first tug pulls out and snaps threads. Or can we weave not at all and leave a hole that weakens all the weaving around it.
2. You do not know what someone else is bringing to the world this lifetime. It is not your place to compare yourself to anyone because they aren’t here for the same reason as you. Comparison is always about judgement – of ourselves or others. We do not have to better than someone in order to be okay. We are fine just as and where we are. By the same reasoning – the “other” is not worse than us either. They are going about the business they came for – and you don’t know what that is.
3. Yes you do know why you’re here. You may have buried it under years of ignoring all the signs, but it is always always there whispering to you. It is the thing that makes your heart sing. It is the thing that makes you forget the ticking of the clock. It is the thing you would give your life to…..if only…you had more money, more time, more education. Here’s a secret: you have enough, you are enough, you do enough. There is no time like now to acknowledge that and let others lead their own lives. You have important things to do in your own life.
4. Begin.
Wylde Women’s Wisdom
This is the way of the Web:/ everything is connected,/each creature a protector of a particular cross-/roads of strands, watcher over a specific space./ From elephants to ants, whales to microbes/and we in between,/ each of us is a piece of the puzzle/that pictures the unfolding Universe./ When a protector disappears, its crossroads fray/and the puzzle becomes darker,/ the way more difficult,/remaining Watchers more easily get lost. Tammy Vitale, writing for Water, a Chestory publication.
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[…] 1. The first rule is that you may not make comparisons of yourself against anyone else in this whole wide world. Because what you see of anyone else’s life is the snapshot – the project -not the process. The only full arc that you will ever see is your own. You are incomparable. There is no one else like you in the whole of the universe: before now, now …. […]
[…] you’ll never measure up to [fill in the blank]? Good sign you’re on the wrong path. You true path is a path no one else anywhere anytime came here to take. So measuring yourself against what you assume someone else is accomplishing is a always a […]
I’m plotting a return to Asheville. REally love that place.
Thanks so much for your reply! It really is the stuff of a great conversation. Now to get us sitting down with a cup of tea! Big love, s
Stacey: I totally agree with you about anger – it is an awesome emotion. It can tell us so many things *if* we listen to it, don’t judge ourselves for having it, and take steps to figure out the story we’re telling around it. As for comparisons? for me they are never good – they take my focus off me and onto things over which I have no control (as if I have control of myself!) Thanks for stopping by!
Hello dear Tammy!
I have a bit of a different take on comparisons. Yes, they have absolutely been the source of suffering for me, but they’ve also been the source of inspiration.
Also, I view anger as a very helpful emotion – a signal that my needs are not being met. I then look for ways to meet that need and I’m always better off.
So, thank you, so much for your thoughtful and thought-provoking post! I got a lot from it! Big love to you!