Part 1 here

Part 2 here

https://www.facebook.com/TammyTVitale/videos/10156096201237807/

 

 

(no date)

The secrets gathered around the yellow-orange fire, where they looked like purple shadows.  Some wore sparkles like flickers of flame or distant stars, some were almost blue black.  They spoke in whispers.  Many used sign language – a quiet assemblage.  Now and then a secret would speak out loud and all others would turn to witness his breaking apart – for secrets told are no longer secrets and vanish – no one knows where.

The secrets did not judge good or bad – who’s to say what’s best kept silent?  At the whim of outside forces, some fearful, some fierce, there were so many of them that keeping track was named impossible.  And so they sat together, the old ones close to the blaze for warmth, the new ones tentative, shuffling just outside  the light, wondering how long they might stay.

In my dark living room lit by candle and the open wood stove, I write secrets out, tear it into little pieces, toss the pieces in with the crackling twigs starting to turn into red embers, wafts of smoke smelling of forest and fields tickling my nose.  I watch the paper curl, remember the sea where I spilled my secrets to the tumultuous wind which whipped them out over the water.

Is it telling if no one hears?  Or do the words fall from the sky, drift with ocean detritus, float down to lodge in whorled shells of welk and cat’s eyes that wash ashore full of stories to murmur into listening ears?

[cutout quote: my bounty is as boundless as the sea.  My love as deep: the more I give to thee the more I have, for both are infinite]

 

May 2

“And above all, watch with glittering eyes the whole world around you because the greatest secrets are always hidden in the most unlikely places. Those who don’t believe in magic will never find it.”  Roald Dahl

**

“The improbable unfolding of recent events have led me to consider that no one thing is one thing only.  How people endow what is familiar with new, ever-evolving meaning and by doing so release us from the expected, the familiar, into something unforeseeable.  It is in the unfamiliar realm we find new possibilities.  It is in the unknown we find hope.  Sens8.

[quote at the top of right hand page:  Looking with only our outer senses can e deceiving:  the wild place we are seeking is a different space altogehter, and different rules apply.  Tammy V.]

 

May 5

Dear Namesake, I thought you might like a note since we keep missing each other:

I, Morgaine, Triple Goddess, am the one who wanders the labyrinth searching for treasure I already hold; I am the one who is alone but never lost, the one who knows the language of the wind.

I am the one from which two and three emerge,
the container of the whole before gender or color is aware of itself;

I am the one who is thunder dreaming.

Sort of poetic, don’t you think?  You may use it in your writings if you wish.

 

May 8

The Dragon is leaning over my shoulder and typing…… “Chaos Theory and the Quantum Universe” in the search box. I hit “send” the same time she does. When I looked in the mirror this morning, I noticed we are starting to look like each other. And I haven’t even been living with her that long.  She is reading “Jurassic Park.”  Wants to know if dinosaurs are still alive.

[handwriting on the right page:

• At the earliest drawings of the fractal curve, few clues to the underlying math/structure will be seen.
• With subsequent drawings of the fratal cure, sudden changes may occur.
• Details emerge more clearly as the fractal curve is redrawn.
• Inevitably underlying instabilities begin to appear.
• Flaws in the system will now become severe.
• System recovery may be impossible.
• Increasingly the math will demand the courage to face its implications  Ian Malcolm, “Jurassic Park”

 

 

May 10

I got the strangest call from my gf, Harmony. She calls me Chaos. This is from when we went to school together at Olympia in Vermont.  It’s a wild and wooly place snuggled on the outskirts of Montpelier and things happen there that are….odd.  We went to distance learning together which required two weeks of on campus work at the beginning of each semester.  Once all the women came on their period together (even if they’d just finished).  And there were group dreams of some kind of wolf, an old prehistoric large black wolf, in woods.  And one night I was awakened by my bed shaking and something sparkly starting at my head moving down to my feet.  I remember thinking, “Go away!” and the minute I did that, Harmony sat up in bed and said, “What the fuck was that!” We smudged the room.  We were both in our 40s, long after drugs with strange letters had been left behind.

But when she called, she addressed me as Morgaine. She never does that. So I knew it was serious.

Harmony: Morgaine, Hey Woman. Got your email.

Me: Hey Yourself! What’s up?

Harmony: Well, um, well I wanted to talk to you about what you wrote.

Me: Oooookaaaay.

Harmony: Do you remember when you went out that afternoon after you had that dream of your namesake Goddess – you know, took your old journal and some crayons and pens and headed out even tho there was a storm coming? You remember?

Me: Yeeeeeesssss…….
.
Harmony: Babe, do you remember how bad the storm was? The thunder and lightening really really close?

Me: Nooooooooooo….
.
Harmony: Um, well, um, well there was the storm, right?

Me: nodding (which of course she can’t see)

Harmony: And lightening hit a tree next to you, an old oak, and ran down the bark and smacked the ground and knocked you out.

Me: Babe, what are you talking about? I don’t remember any of that.

Harmony: Right. Right. They said you maybe wouldn’t.

Me: Who “they”?

…..

….

Harmony: The doctors. They said short term amnesia. Possible hallucinations. So just tell me, what you’re writing – are you writing a children’s book or something?

Me: Well, now that you mention it, it probably would….

Harmony: Focus!!!! I need you to focus!!! You’re talking crazy stuff in your email.  I’m worried about you.

Me: Well, um, yes, of course, yes, I thought you of all people would….never mind, yes, right, I’m playing around with a children’s book, trying it out, seeing where it goes, staying in character, etcetera.

Harmony: ………

Me: Hey – it’s been great talking to you, but the wolf is….. I mean I have an appointment and I really have to get moving or I’m going to be late.

Harmony: ……

Me: Great talking to you girlfriend – we need to do it more often. Miss your voice with all this email/texting stuff we all do these days. Byeee – I’ll catch up with you…later.

Harmony: Wait!

Me: Can’t – gotta run! Hugs!

(no date)

Lack of ability to see can be the result of a small mind incapable of imagining anything beyond what it has been taught is real or to expect in the norm of an everyday life.  Another reason for not seeing is fear of having to change a belief system, or allow that there is magic and mystery in the world.  Morgain, Maiden/Mother/Crone, Goddess of all Things

May 15

Everyone keeps writing in MY journal!  This is NOT OK!!!!!

I can help with the unicorns. Just say the word! Love, Onyx (or as you insist on calling me: The White Wolf.  Can you at least refer to me as Silver?)

**

If I promise to stay inside and be quiet, can I live here? I’m getting very attached to the art. Hopefully, The Dragon.

[do I have to hide this journal to keep them out of it?  Does they have no sense of propriety?  This is MY journal.  ☹ ]

**
“Morgaine, Sweetie, this is Mom. I’m worried about you, Honey.”

“Mom, you’re dead. Don’t I have enough problems dealing with The Dragon and a white wolf and a goddess and unicorns without having to deal with you too? Now? Go back to sleep.”

My head hurts. I think I’m getting a migraine. Just one normal day – is that too much to ask for?

June 1

I refuse to believe that *I* end at the edges of my skin.  I believe in quarks and the gluon that holds the universe together even if it is not yet measurable.  I will continue to watch the sun’s progress across the sky, bow to the moon’s borrowed shine laying itself across the water, phosphorescence in competition.  I will whisper secrets into whorled shells, place them on the sand at tide line. bless the person I will never know who picks them up, takes them home, listens nightly to my stored story, finds themselves yearning for desert darkness, sliding stones, distant stars and water that remembers their name.

[Left-hand page is a figure with writing inside it:  SHIFT: to move somebody or something to a new position; to be moved to a different position whether you’re ready or not – time for the next step – the cocoon is breaking open.  Caterpillar – cocoon – butterfly …butterfly opens to rainbow?  Rainbow – shine gold – gold – discovery – transform – anon and even that is not the end.  It’s always about the process.

cutout quote:  using whatever life throws at us to wake up – and wake up others]

(no date)

As I’m sure you understand, anyone who has been….visited shall we say….by interesting….characters shall we say…. well, that person might need a bit of time to digest the changes happening around her. So I beg your patience with me as I resituate myself – after all I am certainly doing some revisioning, as you well can imagine. I would certainly understand if you *can’t* imagine. A short while ago I can assure you that I couldn’t imagine, but one gets used to the new normal sooner or later, right? Not that I’m exactly used to it yet, but I have to say that having interesting roommates isn’t all that bad.

Just yesterday The Dragon and I (I’d type her name, but you couldn’t pronounce it and I’m not sure I have the correct letters on my keyboard to get it down correctly) had a fascinating conversation about chaos and quantum theory and string theory. She’s very knowledgeable. I gave her my copy of “Jurrasic Park” to read because that was where I first got interested in chaos theory. She thought it not a bad read (yes, Dragon’s read. Or at least she does. We have quite a lot in common). I gave her some of my other reference books and she said that we humans have a ways to go, but she was quite impressed. We had tea! It was lovely. Who would ever have thought.

Of course she is getting restless staying inside all the time. Sometimes she goes out at night. She’s fairly sure the darkness hides her well (I have to wonder – though not a large dragon by dragon standards – and I have to base this on movies I’ve seen but you know, have they ever seen a dragon? Isn’t it quite possible that she’s mid-sized?).

Onyx (The White – I’m sorry, the Silver Wolf, he says he is Silver, not white, not platinum, and that he was once midnight black, hence his name) manages to look like an old dog so he comes and goes as he pleases, and Morgaine, well, she flicks in and out as she wishes, invisibility seemingly a given when you’re a goddess who wants anonymity. I mean, she can even go out shopping if she likes. She definitely draws attention….the energy that swirls around her – it crackles almost a faint blue – some days I can almost see it on my skin too but I am sure this is just my imagination…but people seem to define that as charisma. I’m ok with that. It’s nice having someone to go out to dinner with on occasion, as long as she brings along her own money. She has really expensive tastes in wine and champagne!

June 10

“.. exactly whose consciousness, whose dream, whose unseen influence do we live in?” Nicholas Mann, “Sedona: Sacred Earth”

continued...Part 4(final…for now)