Door, Asheville, NC

I am being lazy and not going back to select a Wylde Woman for my primary picture today.  You can pick your own from the album in the left column.  Instead I’ll give you a picture of one of several doors I took while walking Asheville.  Doors can have such character and can say so much about a place.  The fact that I have multiple door pictures from Asheville says to me that the place is so full of creative energy is just bursts out everywhere.  And yes, that’s copper.

This morning I was doing morning pages for Finding Water.  Let me rephrase.  This morning I was doing morning pages for me and also as a part of the group that is tracking through Finding Water.  Up until now, the "A Student" (for those who haven’t been following, that’s one of my critical inner voices) has been very happily doing it all: morning pages, artist’s date, walks, several but not all Divining Rod exercises – the one’s that were pertinent. 

I have to admit I found Chapter 3 a downer.  I found Julia Cameron’s voice whiney and her complaints about jet lag from Paris (alas, poor dear), grating.  I think I am supposed to identify with the fact that all artists have doubts, but it is difficult for me to identify with a millionaire seller of her own books, once married to Martin Scorsese (sp?), who can drop known names in every paragraph – and does.  Needless to say, despite A Student’s prodding, another part of me with no name yet (The Pouter?) has put the skids on all this work.  I didn’t finish Chapter 4, haven’t started Chapter 5, didn’t take a walk.  On the other hand, I am now dedicated to morning pages for myself and for this I am grateful.

Which MK from the retreat reminds us is important, and even writes about in rhyme (Hey, MK, well done!).  Which brings me to the title of this post.  As an artist, I do not have room for first person singular in my vocabulary.  I understand clearly that I need a loving supportive group of people around me who "can sing my song back to me when I’ve forgotten how it goes."  That includes a Husband who does not choose to say things like:  "You’re the one who turned the job down" when the subject of money is broached.

I’ve been to the mountain (off on retreat with an amazing group of women and a wise woman facilitator in Christine Kane) and now have returned to common day and the adoration of idols (no, not a golden calf – that might be a step in the right direction):  our culture’s set up which "encourages" the beaten path, the road well trod, the usual, the mediocre, that which does not rock the boat, just doing what it takes to go along, a lack of imagination.  Perhaps that is only The Pouter at work.  Perhaps it is the moon (which is not moving to full, so perhaps not), the cold weather which is supposed to be gone or the time change (longer days should make it all better).

Enough.  This is what I AM grateful for:  the opportunity to retreat, get my priorities straight, write them down, vision board them up and have things to refer to when the Pouter and the A Student and the Hamster (not mentioned – thats the one that says, over and over:  why can’t you just be like everyone else?) are all in full cry.  I am grateful for my warm house in this cold weather.  I am grateful for friends here and in cyberspace who help me remember how to sing, even if it is off key.  I am grateful for finding Christine Kane’s music which is a daily reminder of what is really true.  I am grateful for the space to write morning pages, to type this blog, and to make my art – even when I can’t quite figure out what wants to be made.  I am grateful for knowing that if "I" (first person singular) get out of the way, the energy will carry it through.

thought for the day: 

Peace is more than the absence of war, violence, or conflict, though that is an important first step. Peace is a presence–the presence of connection.