Elsewhere, in a private discussion, we are talking about what holds us back from living our life NOW. Not after we lose 10 (or 60) pounds, are make more money, or get through just one more year of a job we hate, but NOW.
It got me to thinking. Boundaries – those things you have that help you live a sane life – are not my strong point. As the adult child of an alcoholic (ACOA), I’ve had to do a lot of guessing and really work hard at recognizing where my boundaries are and where they might should be.
My ACOA tendancies show up in both wanting for people to be happy with me and in being defensive because I keep running into people who seem to want to run over me. I recognize this as their own insecurities but they trigger mine, and my defensiveness in turn triggers theirs and around and around we go. At least I’ve learned to reach out and ask for outside help these days!
The discussion got me to wondering if wondering about boundaries is normal, or if I’m hyper sensitive/aware. I don’t feel like I can embrace something that has ramifications beyond myself (and being in a family means what happens to me does affect others,) that might be detrimental to them or my agreements with them. Were I alone, my life would probably look a good deal different that it does now, but I’m not, and by choice I stay in these relationships. So, instead, I embrace my “wylde” a bit at a time (although I am sure there are those in my family who would argue otherwise), and try things on for size. This does not make me feel as if I’m waiting for something to happen before I do something I want to.
But.
If I had a good retirement income, my life would be different. I am not waiting for that because there is nothing on the horizon beyond my continuing to work that will give me an income that allows me to do things I like – art and travel and girls’ days out and retreats – in moderation. That’s good enough until grace falls out of the sky and changes all of that (for the record, if anyone is listening, I’m waaaay open to changing all of that!)
I don’t find it hard to embrace my life, whether I think it is where I want to be or not. In this, I have been guided for years by a lovely Tragically Hip lyric: no dress rehersal: this is our life. (at second 54 on this video)
Obstacles to “living fully” (if you want to call it that) come more from trying to figure out where the lines are between fea,r freedom and foolishness, between exercising good judgement and diving into an empty swimming pool hoping to grow wings on the way down. Into the abyss is different – you have a longer time to grow the wings!
Let’s face it, fear can be healthy: if you are being charged by an angry rhino, it is good to be afraid. If you are only afraid of the possibility of being charged by an angry rhino, not so much. Freedom then becomes taking proper precautions and going to see the rhino in the wild because she is so magnificent.
Day to day I sometimes find it hard to figure out which of those scenarios I’m in. Is that person at work really out to get me come hell or high water or do my own insecurities and theirs have us circling each other, both of us dancing with possibilities?
What do you think? How do you identify your boundaries and then hold them? I’m all ears!
Wylde Women’s Wisdom
For TOO LONG you have allowed the past to affect you!
For TOO LONG you have taken personally what others say about you!
For TOO LONG you have stood on the sidelines watching others thrive!
For TOO MANY NIGHTS you have gone to bed worrying about what may be.
For TOO LONG you have held a fear in your heart.
For TOO LONG you have settled for second best!!
NOW is the time to awaken!
NOW is the time to shine!
NOW is the time to ACCEPT that you are DIVINE!!
This is my message for you – allow it to touch the deepest parts of your being – to help you awaken to the truth – that you do deserve to live a GREAT life – and whatever that means for you!
~ Lee-Anne Peters ~
