The “what ifs” are the walls of our psyche.  It is the definite language of the hamster who spins in her wheel worrying about what happens if she just stops – the world might fall apart if she doesn’t keep spinning!  Not that she’s getting anywhere, but it *looks* productive.  What if is sometimes about failure.  About working really hard toward something and having it not work.  And what if you succeed?  How does that change the world and your relationships?  What if they don’t like the new you?  (Let’s face it: change is always hard.  It’s hard enough when you initiate it yourself, but when you’re forced into it through being in close relationship to someone who is changing, it can be very hard.)

Change happens.  This is what I have learned about overcoming the what ifs:

1.  Allow yourself the possibility of failing.  Re-story failure from a falling down to a stepping-up toward where you’re headed. Yes.  You can.

2.  Play.  Play all around what you think you want, ignore what you think you want, make something that doesn’t have to be sold, be beautiful, be useful.  Open to your inner child – the one who could play for hours because she didn’t have to think about paying bills, what was in the fridge, running to the grocery store, or a job that wrung her out.   All she had to do was present herself and play with what was in front of her.  We can still do that.  It’s a choice.  If you need a child to help you remember how, I’m sure there’s one who needs someone to play with.  Find her. Yes.  You can.

3.  What calls to us is what we love.  In our deep heart we know exactly what that is.  We don’t allow ourselves because we are not worthy of loving what we do.  We must put our nose to the grindstone, meet the expectations of everyone around us.  We make ourselves last on any priority list because that’s how our culture indoctrinates us. You do not have to listen.  You can carve out space.  And don’t worry – what you love is patient and keeps waiting, and keeps putting little reminders in your pathway, throws books into your hands, throws people (and sometimes angels)  into your path.  After a while it gets really hard to ignore.  What we love loves us even more.  Open to that love.  Its power of possibilities is absolutely amazing.  Yes.  You can.

4.  Be afraid.  Admit you’re afraid.  Draw or dance or sing your fear.  Then do whatever it is anyways.  Yes.  You can.

5.  Find a community.  There is NOTHING like good friends to bring out the best in you.  If you can’t find one, make one.  It takes just one other person.  And you may be surprised at who finds you!  Yes.  You can.

6.  Don’t give up.   Yes.  You Can.

7.  Rest when you’re tired. Yes.  You Can. (go ahead, get off that hamster wheel!)

8.  Know that you are not alone.  Everything here on this website was something I was afraid of.  Everything.    Yes. You can.

9.  Begin.  YES.  YOU CAN!

Yes.  Oh Yes.  And Yes again.  You can you can you can!

Wylde Women’s Wisdom

What am I doing?  does it resonate with who I am?  Who am I?  Am I listening to my intuition and following my heart or am I listening to old tapes and “shoulds” that I have yet to let go?  Am I living in integrity with my beliefs?  What are my beliefs?  How does all of this manifest in the world?  What is being born?  How does that change all of this?  Tammy Vitale