“I don’t know!” is the best excuse everyone has for staying stuck.
“I don’t know how to do it!”
“I don’t know what I want to do!”
“I don’t know where to turn!”
So what do we do?
We stand there lamenting our inability to know.
Here’s a secret: you do know (yes, you do). But you’re afraid of what admitting your knowing out loud will require you to do.
More often than not, knowing brings with it change, or tackling something that’s going to take a while (days, weeks, years). It isn’t that you don’t know, it’s that the commitment required feels like too much.
So we sit and play victim instead. If it’s outside forces, we pretend we have no power of choice in our own reaction. We find others who are happy to agree with us that none of us have any power so why try [whatever it is]. We create a story and a community around victimhood.
We play small because it’s easier. If no one knows what we’re capable of creating, no one has expectations (including ourselves), and no one is disappointed (including us).
We don’t know how to move forward because we’re already so busy! There simply is no time, unless we give up tv, or the computer, or the blackberry, or perfection (the spotless house, the landscaped yard, the children scheduled every minute of awake time) that serves nothing but our excuse for having no time.
“I don’t know” is a denial of the endless imagination we come equipped with.
Accept imperfection. No one starts at the top of their game.
Watch your language – don’t say “I don’t know” when what you mean is “I am afraid to fail (or to succeed! because it will change everything).”
Remove “I don’t know” from your lexicon. Change it to “I wonder how I might…” or “That’s scarey from this vantage point – who can help me see otherwise?” or “In the past I’ve been afraid to try [x], but today I’m [beginning, doing, experimenting…….].
Stop worrying about how and instead work on your why. If your “why” isn’t “because it feeds my passion” get rid of it. The “how” will begin to show up.
Find time by deleting activities that don’t feed your passion and/or hiring someone to do the tasks that you don’t need to do (but do because you should). Barter services if necessary.
Start. Begin. Step out. The Universe will respond. Failure simple means you’ve tried something new and need to tweek. If you aren’t failing, you aren’t growing. And if you aren’t growing then you’re stuck at best, and dying at worst – of a thousand mosquito bites – slowly.
Go ahead – what have you not been doing because you don’t know? Rewrite your story – because yes, you do!
Wylde Women’s Wisdom
Owning our story can be hard but not nearly as difficult as spending our lives running from it. Brene Brown
The thing that is really hard, and really amazing, is giving up on being perfect and beginning the work of becoming yourself. Anna Quindlen
2 Comments
Birdy: And “I’m not ready to think about this right now” is a fine response as long as you say that instead of “I don’t know.” I think overwhelm and/or
just not wanting to think about it are main causes of “I don’t know.” Especially deciding where to eat out!;]
Eloquent reminder to stand in our stories and our choices.
I’m realizing that “I don’t know!” is my default setting when I’m overwhelmed or overstressed.
What is really means is “I’m not ready to think about anything new right now!”
Thnx for the inspiration! 🙂