If I have learned anything as a coach it is this: we all yearn for authenticity.
That is a much overused word. Marketeers have picked it up (especially those marketing services to people who are yearning) and use it without defining it. Because without a definition it just leaves more dark hole to fall into: how am I not authentic? why am I not authentic? I need someone to fix me!
MY definition of authenticity: following the whispers of your heart which will lead you to who you came here to be.
First, you are not broken. You are on a path to your true self and that true self brings something no one else can bring to this world because there is only one you in all of the past, present and future (think about that for a minute! In addition to being a tiny bit (or a lot) scarey, that makes you VERY special!). We do not jump from not knowing to knowing in an hour or a day or even in 30 days or a year. It is a process. Each step we take unfolds the next step. The choices we make create the steps we have to choose from. There are no wrong steps. There are multiple paths to the true you. In fact, there’s no way to miss the true you because how can you be anyone but who you are?
The biggest barrier to following those heart whispers is fear: fear that you’ll take a wrong step (you will); fear that you will be scared and won’t know what to do next (that will absolutely happen, and more than once); fear that someone you love will be angry at you (they will – because you are stepping out to do something they also want to do but they are still frozen by fear. You show them it is indeed doable and they may hate you for it); fear that you will lose your comfortable life (actually all growth takes place outside of your comfort zone – so if you’re comfortable, you’re playing it safe. If you’re playing it safe you are not listening to your heart whispers. Hearts like adventure); fear that we will have to do it all alone (when you feel alone, look for walls that you have built to keep you “safe.” You are never alone. It always works out that way); fear that this dark tunnel you are in will never ever end (it will).
What we really want is permission – we want to know that when we take the wrong step, when we are scared, when someone we love is angry at us, when we are restless and antsy and uncomfortable, we are still okay. And we figure that if we can get someone else to give us permission (for whatever), then it’s their fault if we get it wrong. Get over that. Even if someone gives you permission you make the choice to take the actions that follow that permission. It’s very empowering, making your own choices and taking responsibility for your actions. It’s what you came here to learn.
Live Your Own Story
One size does not fit all because each of us comes with unique talents, unique high peaks and dark valleys, and unique ways of gifting the world. And each of us knows when it is time to start paying attention to why we incarnated on this earth, to start living our dreams. Becoming truly and wholly who you are, you become a model for those around you who are also yearning. By moving step by step into your own power, you make a space for others to step into their own power. Because you are listening to your own inner voice and tending your own story, you do not need to be involved in anyone else’s story. Any need for power over another goes away because it takes time away from doing the work you came here to do. Communities of people learning “power with” each other as opposed to “over” each other are what will save our world. One authentic step at a time.
Wylde Women’s Wisdom
1. If you aren’t failing at anything, you aren’t trying anything new. You’re playing it safe.
2. Playing it safe will feel comfortable until you wake up (or are startled awake by something the ever generous Universe sends your way) and start paying attention to the fact that you’re being pinched and scraped and bruised daily and have numbed yourself out to it.
3. You came here for a reason. Are you living your reason? Have you even bothered to think about what your reason really is? Not the one that will make you money, the one that makes your heart sing, and gets you out of the bed every morning with a “Hell YES! Can’t wait to meet this day!”
4. Can you tell me, without thinking hard, 5 things you’ve failed at in the past six months? (and New Year’s resolutions don’t count).
5. We don’t begin. We reason there’s a better time, we need more money, someone else can do it better. Maybe yes to all that. But maybe they’re waiting just as we are and so nothing changes because none of us will just face the fact that tho we might fail, we might also create the space where the next person, riding on the energy that comes through, succeeds. We owe that to the world (see 3 above).
6. If you don’t begin, you can’t finish. You haven’t lost because you haven’t run. But you ARE lost.
Ready, Set, GO! Fail at something. You just might find yourself along the way.