This isn’t a romance post, unless you’re romancing yourself (which we all should absolutely do more of!).
This is me trying to figure out how to dwell in love when I would rather pout and be angry and point fingers at someone/thing over which I have no power, and that one/thing is not doing what I want.
Because my first reaction is anger. And if I’ve learned anything, anger is *very* often an overlay of fear: fear that I’ll never have whatever it is I’m trying to get to. (I won’t fill in the details here because the details change and the reaction feels the same. So use your imagination).
I guess, then, that the first thing that love looks like is taking a breath so that you can get to the second thing which is: stop thinking in all or nothing: “never” “always.” As someone who taught me a lot about a lot used to say: “Tammy, the world is not black and white. It is shades of gray.” I’ve never been a pastel type. Sigh.
Take another breath (breathing always and everywhere helps whatever it is you are doing as hubby always points out when I’m lifting heavy stuff with him and holding my breath).
Ask: What is it that is “never” or “always” going to happen and why does it upset me so?
Ask: Am I just reacting from fear and there is indeed a path there that I’m not seeing? Or am I starting a transition phase (kicking and screaming because I want THIS !).
Path? go ahead and follow – put on your special glasses so you can see it. Meander, pause, take your time. No hurry – there it is for the walk. Is there a map? What do you think?
Transition? 15 minutes of screaming into the pillow and then you might as well get down to the work of going with it because it’s going to happen anyways at some point.
So maybe what love looks like is compassion for yourself: where you are, whatever it is you are dealing with, the little girl who thinks she must be nice to everyone, the woman who knows she must honor herself first, take care of herself first before she can really give of herself to anyone else.
If this were easy, we’d all be doing it. So that other one(s)/thing(s) that is blocking me – have compassion for them to as they are on the same path (this is where it gets hard). Speak your truth – you will know you are in the spot of it because you’ll be able to say it succinctly, clearly and without emotion – just a statement of fact/truth. No anger because you love yourself enough to speak up and love the other (one/thing) enough to understand it isn’t *really* about them, it is about you.
Just thinking out loud. If you’ve had experience with this – please share with me!