If you’ve been following along for the last few posts, you know that I am wandering out of prescribed territory and following my intuition along an uncharted path. (Okay, we all do this all the time, but I am choosing to do it not only consciously, but also to record it in case anyone else wants to see what it looks like).
I love writing and in the past have written around things that seemed to fit being inspirational – and I worked at making them congruent with some kind of business plan. Now I’m following what happens when the “plan” becomes the ideas that drop in during my daily practice, which starts with a morning teleconference manifestation with Flowing with Change Collaborative Manifestation Group. “Stuff” comes to me during morning meditation. And I find I can write myself a note but if I don’t come to this space, here, immediately, some of the energy/heat dissipates by the time I get around to writing and it comes more from my head than my heart.
I want this space to come from my heart.
I often wake around 4 or 5 a.m. and then go back to sleep. For whatever reason, dreams I have after that tend to be a bit anxious, about losing my car (yet again – and that’s pretty much the way I react in the dream: “Again?! You’ve got to be kidding me!”, or being late for a meeting – just not able to get there for a myriad of reasons: no proper clothes, no place to take a shower – you name it, up it comes).
This morning in a very long dream I came to a part where my Dad brought my kids (very young, 3 and 7 or younger) to this place where I was (a dangerous place). They were all dressed up and laughing and smiling. I need to tell you that I had a difficult relationship with my father. I rarely saw him lit up laughing like in my dream. Anyways, it felt wonderful to see them there with me and then he handed me a wad of money and said something like: “This is for your work playing. And I do mean playing.”
I took the money and put it in my pocket (right back pocket). Never in my real life did my Dad do this. He had a tight relationship with money and I found that I could not trust his words around it. Ever. But in the dream he was open and it was as natural as if it always happened.
Then my kids were noisy and I knew that was dangerous for them and I tried to stop that and started feeling anxious. Then I woke myself up.
And when I wrote this down during our morning Manifestation, I realized that I had indeed awakened myself in some sort of spiritual sense, and it felt as if somewhere the energy that is my Dad, my protector, my animus had also awakened to some kind of shift….to bright glowing laughter. (Yes that brought me to tears of gratitude for a space where this could come through – such an earthquake of an experience and acknowledgement – in total safety).
This past week I pulled up one of Brian Andreaus’s StoryPeople, Waiting for Signs: “I used to wait for a sign, she said, before I did anything. Then one night I had a dream & an angel in black tights came to me & said, you can start any time now, & then I asked is this a sign? & the angel started laughing & I woke up. Now, I think the whole world is filled with signs, but if there’s no laughter, I know they’re not for me.” [emphasis mine]
My dream is a sign! Because I can stay with the laughter – and re-awaken myself to it any time I need to. Don’t you just love that kind of powerful connection to who you are and what you’re doing?
I also acknowledge we don’t stay anywhere long, but we can bring our discoveries along with us for the next round of not knowing – just like in the video games where you collect powers: we can collect our powers from our experiences and find the place of laughter.
May laughter fill your life today!
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