The things that crack open the world and the way the world cracks open – different every time – never cease to amaze me.
This morning I twilight woke with 3 Core Desire Feelings (Danielle LaPorte) words. I thought: this is great, and VERY different! And went back to sleep. When I woke for good, I only had 1 word left: comfortable (that’s what I get for not staying consistent in what I want to be a new practice of keeping my journal and a pen by my bedside).
I consider twilight information a delivery of grace from the Universe – my angels/spirit guides/ancestors talking to me. I am very hopeful that the other words come back as I haven’t a clue.
So let me talk about “comfortable,” the one word that did stick (and that in itself may indicate its importance).
If you read here much, you know that my main word for this year is “Courage.” To my mind this means being brave and standing up for things and myself (finally) and trying all kinds of new uncomfortable strategy to give myself the opportunity to grow. You may note, there, that growth means being uncomfortable. Well. What if it doesn’t? What if having the courage to be comfortable simply means knowing that all is well *as it is* because it really can’t be anything else. If you read yesterday’s post, you know from whence this comes.
What if I practice Courage this year in the light of relaxing into the life I have, enjoying the talents and skills I have, and consider all of it an easy movement toward being comfortable in this life I have fashioned through decades of choices (and what if I pay attention to the meaning of Mary Anne Radmacher’s meme that I truly truly love?). What if, instead of beating myself up over “wrong” choices, I get comfortable with the idea that there really aren’t any wrong choices, only ways to learn more about who I am and what I really want in this life? What if it’s really okay to get comfortable and relax and let my angels catch up with me instead of running out ahead of them all the time plotting and planning and seeking for the exact thing they’re trying to grace me with?
Where does courage come in? It means I have to shift a lot of old, learned patterns about being the best and the first and the organizer of things (I put organizer above leader, just so you know). It means I can actually relax of an afternoon, play in the garden (it IS getting to be that kind of year and last year I didn’t touch mine except to lose the war with the deer over my hostas). I can read more, write in my journal more, art in my vision journal more.
Courage means accepting that, as I look around I am truly blessed in all the ways humans want to be blessed: loving family that I see regulary, work (real estate) that allows me to play at something I already love (real estate investment and helping others realize their real estate dreams), and, if I want to work my life and time this way, time to write poetry (again and finally!), blog more often than I have been, make art….daughter wants a mosaic floor in her bathroom, I already said I’d do some tiles for the wood around their tree, and being in the invitational at North End Gallery this month reminds me that my first art love is sculpture and I haven’t been doing much with it. Artgalpal, Mary Ida Rolape, lent me some of her new glazes to play with. They are wonderful metallics. Mary Ida started clay well after me and flew past me in ability and curiosity. Which I love because I can relax and let her show me the way now.
Which takes me back to the beginning of this piece and the courage to be comfortable with not having to be it all. Shedding the last string tying me to my formative years in Catholic school where I learned that, as a woman, I am responsible for it all. I’m not. It’s good to finally know that.