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Spring Rain

Spring Rain

Tammy May 5, 2011 6 comments

Goddess, 11 x14, crayon on paper by Tammy Vitale

 

Outside things are turning green:  leaves, flowers.  Daffodils have come and gone, now  I have Pinks and Primroses and what’s left of the azaleas and sweet sweet lily of the valley.

The weather is unsettled.  Tuesday we were in the 80s, today in the 60s.  Rain ranges from soft sprinkle to downpour deluge with accompanying disruptions.

Me too.  Things are changing inside and outside of me.  Active and productive art/right brain.  Can’t find enough time to get it all out.  Ideas are waiting in line.  To the left you see my original crayon drawing and below you see 3 canvasses created from it using techniques I’ve learned and played with in my journals:  computer generated copies sized differently than the original and mounted on backgrounds made with masking tape, stencils, painting with credit cards, oil pastels.

Writing, left brain:  dry dry dry.  Desert.  Not a drop of rain anywhere. Can’t find a word to tag a blog post onto.  Or if I find one I don’t write it down and off it goes, burrowing back into the ground where I can’t see it. 

Not complaining, really, just observing.  The Deep Darks have gone.  Nothing changed except maybe the moon’s position.  Or maybe it’s just really hard to stay in the Deep Darks when one has frogs serendaing outside her window and wind whispering secrets in newly minted leaves.  Which gives some credence to just sitting through those things and understanding they are all part of the Spiral Path.

This week has brought much in the way of physical activity, too (no left brain required).  My little rental cottage is between tenants and needs a year’s worth of yard (which we have planted to a jungle) work done.  This takes nothing more than communing with the trees and bushes, admiring them, rescuing them from the terrible 4:  Virginia Creeper, Honeysuckle Vine, Grape vine and Clematis.  All of which are happily ensconced on the property.  We live with a mowing truce.  If the tenant doesn’t mow under the trees, the vines break the treaty.  Three van full trips to the dump and we aren’t even half done.  Makes for great sleeping at night!

Here’s what I take away from my personal chaos this past month or so:

1.  It isn’t always a story you’re telling yourself.  Sometimes it’s just feelings and feelings aren’t good or bad.  Just sit with them.  You are not required to DO anything, including understand why you feel this way.  You feel this way.  That’s okay.  No judgement required.

2.  I know – it doesn’t feel good to feel this way but that’s because you believe that you should feel happier or more secure or more on top of things.  That IS a story.  Let it go.  Allow yourself imperfection, long hot bubble baths and a good book.   Contrary to what some might tell you, life does not require that every minute be productive and you are not required to fill every minute (or every day or even every week or, gasp, even a month) with something that will pay dividends. Doodle in the margins and go for a walk.

3.  When one side of your brain shuts down (in this instance my left, logical, linear, purposeful side), the other side can blossom if you pay attention and give it space.  If you’re so busy watching what you’re not doing, you’ll miss entirely what you could be doing.  Some might call it distraction.  I call it creation. 

That’s it – no really big Ahas to share today.  Just thought I’d share because it’s always good to know you’re not alone, and I know for a fact there are others of you out there in the same space.  No matter where you find yourself, there is someone else feeling that way…so here comes #4:

4.  Reach out.  Find another person so share your sitting, doodling, walk, good book with.

Here’s what my creative side has been doing while my linear writing side has gone into hiding (you will note I’m “playing on a riff” – no hard thinking required – just play):

Goddess, paper, acrylic, pen, acrylic and oil pastels on 5x7 canvas by Tammy Vitale

Goddess 2, 11 x 14 collage on canvass with pen, acrylic and oil pastel by Tammy Vitale

Goddess 3: paper, acrylic, pen on 11x14 canvas, by Tammy

Wylde Women’s Wisdom

Ok.  You’re having a little rebellion?  Go [write] for ten minutes, “I don’t want to write about…”  Put the rebellion in your writing rather than rebelling against it.  It will give your writing punch.  Take control of your power.  Natalie Goldberg

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Comments

6
  • Joined:
    2009-10-19 15:07:50
    May 5, 2011
    Tammy

    Wow, Tammy! You may feel like you’re walking in a writing/left-brain desert, but this post is an oasis of Aha’s for me!

    “Doodle in the margins [of life] and go for a walk…Find another person to share your sitting, doodling, walk, good book with.” is one of my favorite insights.

    And I love your riff on the Goddess – especially the multi-media collage.

    Thank you for sharing SO many gems with us today. I continue to refer folks to your Spiral Path post – it continues to resonate deeply.

    Thanks for everything!

  • Joined:
    2009-10-19 15:07:50
    Tammy Vitale
    May 5, 2011
    Tammy

    you’re a sweetie! Love that you carried the analogy on out to “oasis” – thanks, Stacey! You made me smile!(relaly big!)

  • Joined:
    2009-10-19 15:07:50
    May 5, 2011
    Tammy

    I don’t have to be productive every minute! Thanks for the reminder. Thanks for the permission. I’ve been doing the long baths and books but feeling really guilty about it. They are, however, more productive in the long run than trying to “produce” something that just isn’t ready to grow!

  • Joined:
    2009-10-19 15:07:50
    May 5, 2011
    Tammy

    I am with Stacey on this one – the bit about doodling in the margins of life… COMPLETE GEM! It’s so easy to get caught up in the should-do’s, “must”-do’s, and being busyproductiveinsane, that sometimes we need permission to stay still. And, as @Baye said above, sometimes doing “nothing” is more productive in the long run anyway.

    I had a revelation about this very topic today, and your words completely resonate with me.

    Thank you for your artful perspective!

  • Joined:
    2009-10-19 15:07:50
    Anne
    May 6, 2011
    Tammy

    I am reveling in iris at the moment. As far as I am concerned, you can never have too many iris in your yard. Mine jungle is overgrown and in sore need of attention. And then, I stop and think that when I bought this house, there were no shrubs, no flowers, no bulbs and somehow, that makes the messy o.k. with me. Two more pages to write, and the semester is done and I am thankful for that. So no nursing, but maybe an art major instead – would be much more fun:)

  • Joined:
    2009-10-19 15:07:50
    May 7, 2011
    Tammy

    Tammy, I love that reminder that sometimes it’s not about being productive and DOING. That is one piece of wisdom that I am yet to fully ingest into my system, and I so thank you for reminding me of it today.

    When you run your own business, it can feel like it’s always “if it’s going to be, it’s up to ME”… this creates, at least in me, a turnstyle feeling – I always have to be in motion. Don’t I? What would happen if I stopped, just for a while?

    Even though you there were no great Ahas in this post, I got a lot from it – thank you!

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