Which brings me to this musing: last night I knew I needed to start cleaning (yet again) my studio space so that there is a place for this. There is a place for it but it's currently covered with stuff. Which needs to be put away. So what did I do? dusted the fan/light in the living room (cathedral ceiling, tiptoes on top a stool reaching with a feather duster. You don't want to know) and did Son's taxes to help him play catch up for lo about 5 years. In our house, we call this productive procrastination. Doing things lower on the todo list.
Can anyone tell me if this is human nature or just me? I want very much to play with beads (I did have to order some glass rods and we do have to go get oxygen and propane, but those are small compare to cleaning the studio.) I have done nothing but talk about it for over a month. So WHY am I dusting the living room fan/light which I have successfully ignored for easily a year? Son's taxes? Well, that needed to get done. And doing that reminds me I must gather all our tax stuff (good for me, I started working on that earlier in the year and have the really hard part – working out the cottage tax info – already done. The rest is ordering and recording, by hand since learning how to use quicken would just add time, about 7 months of art receipts). See – there are all these competing things with doing what I want, or at least say I want, to do. Why is that?
Christine Kane says pick a word for the year (I know, abrupt switch of topic, but I went as far as I could with the procrastination thing as I have no answers. Tho there is a theory that if you ask you really can answer). Last year I picked two (I never listen to rules): prosperity and abundance which are close but not exactly the same. This year I am going to pick "gratitude." And that begins the list of things I'd like to focus on this year: gratitude, journaling (which I have avoided even more than cleaning the studio even though I know it is enlightening and brings all kinds of good things with it), exercising (which I have done sporadically this year. Told my nurse practitioner, who is new to me this year my doctor having left her practice, I was going three days a week…very proud. She said: yes but you should do 5 or 6. So what did I do? I quit entirely knowing 5 or 6 simply aren't going to happen).
Which actually does bring me back around to the original topic: what is it (my nature? universal human nature?) that makes us not follow through on things we say we want? What is it about the habits we've formed that make them so hard to break?
It all leaves me frustrated with myself. On my list this year is: don't get frustrated with yourself. It serves no purpose. Accept what is and onward. I can be frustrated for several more days and then I must get over it. I'm looking for good ideas. Please leave yours!
thought for the day: Your decision to evolve consciously through responsible choice contributes not only to your own evolution, but also to the evolution of all of those aspects of humanity in which you participate. It is not just you that is evolving through your decisions, but the entirely of humanity…Within our species there are degrees of soul consciousness. The significance of the evolution of responsibility is that each human being moves through levels of responsibility on its way to wholeness. In other words, as a soul chooses the lesson of responsibility, it will find itself incarnating into an atmostphere of more potential impact upon the species. The personality must also come to agree with what the soul has chosen. If you are not consciously ready, you will not be put into a position to impact many for the protection of your own soul…As souls choose to participate consciously in more inclusive levels of interaction, they take on not only their own transformation, but also those of the larger collectives in which they participate. Gary Zukav, The Seat of the Soul.