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It’s Okay! You Have My Permission.

It’s Okay! You Have My Permission.

Tammy April 5, 2011 21 comments

Necklace and bracelet I made for daughter's birthday, April 6

The more I work with people (clients and otherwise) the more I find that what we’re all looking for is permission to do what we want to do, what our heart is yearning for.  Why don’t we do it?  We think there are other things which must come first.  We have spent our life learning to rank ourselves in a hierarchy (for what does school teach us if not about hierarchy and the one right answer), and are, consciously or unconsciously, consummed with:  what will s/he/they think?  They’ll think I’m a bad: girl/daughter/woman/wife/mother/friend.

The REAL “Secret” – you are responsible for your own life.  s/he/they don’t live in your shoes.  What they think doesn’t matter. Really.  It’s what you think that matters.

People spend a lot of  money on therapists, alcohol, coaches and drugs to deny themselves what their heart yearns for because it doesn’t make enough money, doesn’t fit the latest fashion or fad or might make them look selfish or foolish.  Selfish is good.  When you’re on the plane, you put your own oxygen mask on first – otherwise you won’t be there to help the person/child beside you.  Foolish is the best – the Fool is the Wise Woman at the beginning of her journey.

So here’s your Permission Pass to do what your heart whispers to you to do.  I give you this Permission because what your heart yearns for is what you came here to do and if you don’t do it the world, and I, will be the poorer for it.  We/I will sense emptiness where your rich fullness should be.

You have my Permission

  1. to be confused about what’s next and not have a plan for the next step;
  2. to start and not finish;
  3. to live among clutter and mess while you are in your creative phase;
  4. to leave the housework until later and you get to define “later;”
  5. to buy the tools of your trade;
  6. to spend an afternoon reading a book just because;
  7. to pull off the road to watch a sunrise or sunset or great bank of clouds;
  8. to not monetize every minute of every day;
  9. to play;
  10. to rest;
  11. to howl at the moon and dance like no one is watching;
  12. to sing in the shower, in your car or in the mall if you so choose whether or not you can carry a tune;
  13. to believe in yourself;
  14. to doodle in the margins;
  15. to dawdle over coffee;
  16. to not pay attention;
  17. to watch fireflys in early summer evenings;
  18. to bask in the sun (but you must use lots of sun block);
  19. to speak up – especially to speak up – there are others who need to hear you even if they don’t act like it;
  20. to be different;
  21. to wear red with purple and striped with plaids and circles;
  22. to go barefoot as often as possible;
  23. to go back to school;
  24. to make your own school;
  25. to trust your crazy ideas;
  26. to trust the process;
  27. to love yourself;
  28. to be grateful for spring rain, winter icicles, fall leaves and your friends (especially for your friends);
  29. to try something no one else has ever tried;
  30. to try something everyone else has failed at;
  31. to try something because it makes your heart sing;
  32. to create the community you are craving (others want it to, they just haven’t found their permission slip);
  33. to love yourself best of all;
  34. to fail; to fail again; to fail as many times is necessary;
  35. to speak to yourself kindly;
  36. to smile so others will wonder what you’re up to;
  37. to find a cause you believe in and support it whole heartedly, even if the kids have to learn to cook dinner;
  38. to stand for something even if you stand alone;
  39. to follow your heart;
  40. to listen to your intuition;
  41. to say no to things, anything, that doesn’t make your heart sing;
  42. to collect broken shells and to be imperfect yourself;
  43. to  organize your photos even though it takes a week;
  44. to go on vacation;
  45. to quit your job;
  46. to dream big;
  47. to dream small;
  48. to ask for help if you need it;
  49. to dream some more;
  50. to say Hell YES!  to the life you want to live.

You have your Permission.  What are you waiting for?

    

Wylde Women’s Wisdom

It’s all just bullshit.  Until you allow the Moment.  The Moment is not the day you quit your job or sell the car/house or leave the abuser or pay off the debt or start the company or set off for your 100 day trek through the remote villages of Indonesia.  The Moment isn’t a thing you do.  The Moment is not visible to another being in our corporal existence.  The Moment is the decision.  Where now and forever you declare to yourself and Whomever is listening:  Yes.  I must have the More.  Elizabeth Potts Weinstin

Comments

21
  • Joined:
    2009-10-19 15:07:50
    April 5, 2011
    Tammy

    I’m not sure you are good for me – or maybe you are the best thing for me. I love this list. I am working on putting me first. At 57 it’s hard to start but I have. I’m going to copy your list. I’m assuming you posted it so we could do just that. If I’m wrong you can let me know.

  • Joined:
    2009-10-19 15:07:50
    Tammy Vitale
    April 5, 2011
    Tammy

    Copy and spread it around.

    Whether or not I’m good for you depends on where you want to go next.

    Oh – you’ve taken the hardest step: you’ve begun. Which means you’ve
    made a decision at some level. Yay You! I raise my coffee to your courage!

  • Joined:
    2009-10-19 15:07:50
    Tammy Vitale
    April 5, 2011
    Tammy

    I see I need to add: act first, ask permission later (if at all)….Jonathan Kozol has a quote I love: we are taught to raise our hands and ask if we can have a revolution.

  • Joined:
    2009-10-19 15:07:50
    April 5, 2011
    Tammy

    Oh. Wow. Thank you.
    My favorite is #1, 42, 4 through 6.

    Lately, even exercise comes with work: this comment is being typed while on a stationary bike. LOL

  • Joined:
    2009-10-19 15:07:50
    Tammy Vitale
    April 5, 2011
    Tammy

    Angeline: 51. to do only one thing at a time and thoroughly enjoy it!

    thanks for stopping by!

  • Joined:
    2009-10-19 15:07:50
    April 5, 2011
    Tammy

    WOW I am (almost) speechless. Being a survivor of melanoma, I appreciate # 18, and I am REALLY working on #19. My first blog was my start, and I already have two more!

  • Joined:
    2009-10-19 15:07:50
    Tammy Vitale
    April 5, 2011
    Tammy

    Mlissabeth: how do you keep up with your blogs? I now have two – but the 2nd, SixtiesWomen.com, I’ve been skipping (I think, tho, because I haven’t found my true voice for it yet. My “it’s okay to be angry – if you aren’t you don’t understand voice). How often do you write for each?

  • Joined:
    2009-10-19 15:07:50
    April 5, 2011
    Tammy

    The first became my blog exclusively for small stones, @wordpress, the second was started when I did Art Every Day Month (AEDM), and now Creative Every Day, and the last is exclusively for posts related to my career in speech/language pathology. I don’t write every day, and sometimes not even every week. And, my posts are often short, as I use my poetry and creativity to communicate for me.

  • Joined:
    2009-10-19 15:07:50
    April 6, 2011
    Tammy

    Love this post, Tammy! Very juicy. Just what I needed today.

  • Joined:
    2009-10-19 15:07:50
    Belinda
    April 6, 2011
    Tammy

    I don’t know how many times I’ve said, “when this happens, then that can happen.” Such a waste of time.I just bought some tools for the art journal–and now it’s time to begin. I like #37–my son can now cook exactly 3 different things–that’s enough–right?

    Thanks for this, Tammy.

  • Joined:
    2009-10-19 15:07:50
    April 8, 2011
    Tammy

    Hi Tammy,
    I LOVE this list and want to print it out and take it to work to give to all the teachers I work with. It has been such a stressful, disheartening few years for teachers. I blog, journal, and seek positive community to seek higher ground. You blog is an amazing
    source of inspiration!
    Thank you!
    Jen

  • Joined:
    2009-10-19 15:07:50
    Tammy Vitale
    April 9, 2011
    Tammy

    jen: Daughter is a teacher. Hubby and I marched with her and her family and the teachers of maryland

    recently and reminded not a few of the politcos where their power comes from. it was good.

    I would love to know that teachers are getting inspiration from my blog. That is totally awesome!

  • Joined:
    2009-10-19 15:07:50
    April 25, 2011
    Tammy

    Just tweeted this post! My fav: #11 – to howl at the moon and dance like no one is watching

    I’ve done it!

  • Joined:
    2009-10-19 15:07:50
    April 25, 2011
    Tammy

    Mari – the moon does bring that out in one if one is open to it!!

  • Joined:
    2009-10-19 15:07:50
    April 27, 2011
    Tammy

    Tammy, you’re wonderful!
    I love the pink birthday jewellery; and the whole list, but #21 spoke just to me – I like red and purple together.
    Love Meg x o

  • Pingback:12 Things I Keep Forgetting | Women, Art, Life

  • Joined:
    2009-10-19 15:07:50
    May 20, 2011
    Tammy

    Good. I got my permission first at #1. *grin*
    I´d dare say I wouldn´t agree with #3 & 4, as it´s part of my job to keep things running smoothly at home. I don´t get paid but it is still my job.

  • Joined:
    2009-10-19 15:07:50
    Carrie Hertz
    April 11, 2012
    Tammy

    Nicely said – it feels like a friendly hug. I’ve printed out the Permission Pass to be carried around with me and read and re-read until the paper falls apart and the words are a part of me. Thanks.

  • Pingback:es! or Permission to do what you really want to do | Women, Art, Life

  • Joined:
    2009-10-19 15:07:50
    July 30, 2012
    Tammy

    Tammy Spirit Guide Vitale I am gratfeul for your voiv=ce in my FB world!!

  • Joined:
    2009-10-19 15:07:50
    Tammy Vitale
    July 30, 2012
    Tammy

    Love my new middle names!

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